Let's Agree to Disagree: The Coward's Answer to Conflict

I have always been uneasy about agreeing to disagree - the idea that both parties are civil and polite but are unable to find compromise or common ground.

I am a lover of conflict - I love the fight, the debate, the exchange of ideas and also the victory. A true win in an argument is when the other person not only accepts your point of view, but has actually learned something. A debate where no one learns anything is completely worthless; why bother fighting if no one is going to come out better or stronger for it?

Every loss brings me closer to overall victory; I will learn something, gain a new knowledge set, or perhaps a unique debating style that will better enable my future triumph. The win is always satisfying, but the loss is ultimately more important as I'll always be better for it.

"Let's agree to disagree" - what a pathetic rejoinder to an enlightened debate amongst collegues! It says either they think there is nothing more to be gained from discussing it, or that they think there is no compromise to be had, or worse still, they are completely stymied and have no counter-argument to offer.

There is always something to be gained - whether it is the revelation of truths or the deepening of relationships. There is nothing to be gained from ceasing to discuss something.

If they think that there is no compromise to be had, they obviously lack both imagination and ambition. Nobody should walk away from the negotiation table unless an agreement has been reached. Not every fight has to be settled at once, but to put a topic on perpetual adjournment is the mark of a cowardly will, who lacks the backbone to stand up for what they believe in or the nerve to re-evaluate the foundations of their reality.

The worst usage of "agree to disagree" is when it is a subsitute for an argument; they have been dumbfounded by your argument and are using this supposedly civil saying as a smokescreen for their lacklustre wit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying you don't know, or that you don't have an answer, or that you don't have an answer yet. But to say that you don't want to talk about it anymore because you can't think of a clever (or even adequate) response?

Do you think that "let's agree to disagree" would work for the Israelis and the Palestinians? You'd end up shot.

Don't be satisfied until someone wins, or until a common ground is reached. Everything else is surrender to ignorance.