It's all Jar-Jar's fault

The thesis for this evening: all of the wrongs in the galaxy far, far away are a result of that retarded amphibian Jar Jar Binks.

Think about it for a second. Everything can be traced back to him; Jar Jar can be regarded as the worst criminal the galaxy has ever known.

He inhibits the Jedi when he first encounters them on Naboo - if he hadn't been there, they would have been able to make it to the palace quickly, slice up some droids and those weird green Asian guys, and solve the whole problem without having to leave the planet. Galaxy saved. Anakin Skywalker never leaves Tatooine; he probably ends up captured by sand people after being molested by Uncle Owen. No Darth Vader, no Emperor.

On Tatooine, he provides comic relief for the otherwise creepy relationship between adult Padme and child Anakin, allowing them to foster a bond that will eventually doom the universe. Jar Jar the instigator.

On Coruscant he tells the queen that the Gungans have an army to fight back, corrupting her pure commitment to pacificism and solving conflicts through diplomacy. Jar Jar the warmonger.

Back on Naboo, he is made general and accidentally destroys the whole army by tripping over. This might seem like a good thing, but if he hadn't been there, the Gungans would not have engaged in battle in the first place, allowing negotiations to resume. Jar Jar the merchant of death.

How about encouraging "Annie" by saying that Padme liked him around? Anakin might well have been a normal teenager with super powers if not for Jar Jar's insinuations. Is anyone else starting to think that he's trying to destroy everything?

Perhaps the most egrigious crime was were he was given the vote to allow Palpatine unlimited executive power and creating the empire in the first place. No empire, no jedi genocide, no enslavement of the wookiees. 


DAMN YOU JAR JAR!