Game Review: Halo 1, 2 and 3

Despite fears that I may spoil the rest of this review in the first sentence, the Halo series exemplifies the archetypal standard, or average, first person shooter game.


There are several consistent parts to the series, namely the weapons, the physics and the storyline/characters. These characteristics are really what sets Halo as a true Malcolm in the Middle of FPS'. The weapons are utterly standard - you have the generic battle rifle, the accurate pistol, the noob tube, several rapid fire energy weapons and low-accuracy machine guns. There is also a weapon that can go climb a wall of dicks (the energy rifle, which both refuses to do damage and jams with alarming regularity), and one or two weapons that have a magnificiently visceral quality (the energy sword for swish-swish-stabbery, and the gravity hammer for sheer unmitigated brutality).

The story, I believe, does make sense if you stop to listen to the dialogue but it always happens when you are firing weapons or being otherwise distracted. It's got something to do with a war with lizard-people and their religious fanaticism - they wish to destroy the universe. And there are no anti-semitic implications.


The physics are adequate - there are things you can and can't do but there isn't anything remarkable about it. There aren't any puzzles. The vehicle sections are a little cumbersome - not awful - but in all fairness there aren't any games with good vehicle handling (other than dedicated racing simulators).


In lieu of any kind of coherent ranking system, here are my preferences for the first 3 games.


Lustrous gold: Halo 3
Underrated silver: Halo - Combat Evolved
Shameful bronze: Halo 2

Halo and Halo 3 nearly tie, though 3 wins the race by being less old. 1 hasn't aged as poorly as 2 oddly enough - the graphical upgrade from Halo 1 to Halo 2 was good for its time, but Halo has a much simpler and crisper look.

My thoughts on Halo 2 can be best described this way: I am so glad I only paid $7 for it from a bargain bin. I spent the majority of the game being shot from behind by obnoxious dark creatures in the dark corners of the room. I also generally play my games on max difficulty but the difficulty in Halo 2 goes beyond reason or sanity. You get killed so often that it's more like watching Starship Troopers than playing a game. I like to think the Master Chief becomes a born-again Christian and consequently has learned to turn the other cheek rather than fight back.

It's hard to critique any further because of its sheer averageness. I guess the only thing to keep in mind past that point is that average doesn't mean bad. Getting a C+ is a passing grade, and like most mediocre things there is fun to be had in it if you enjoy it with a few good mates.